EVEN HEAVEN IS HELL FOR ME
SANS YOUR NAGGING!
P.
K. Joy
Hi, my darling widowed and bereaved,
This letter is delayed. I’m sorry indeed.
God’s judgment’s over. I am admitted in heaven
Now you can tell your friends that my virtues have been proven!
Here in heaven I have just settled down
With the help that the noble angels have given.
However, for me here life is really boring
Heaven is hell sans, your daily nagging.
Truly I feel your absence everywhere
Loneliness haunts me like a dreadful spectre.
The whole of this place is silent and hollow
Without you there like my shadow to follow
Your constant watching of me like an unflinching sleuth,
And continually leveling charges without any truth,
Your habitual finding fault with all your in-laws,
Blaming me always for all your flaws,
Raising of demands which never will reduce
And nagging me day and night without any truce.
Absence of all these ‘amusements’ of life
Is making me realize the true worth of a wife.
Darling, I appealed to God to get you fast here
But He rejected my appeal and showed His ire!
You’re condemned to widowhood for five and a half years
For nagging me long to the point of my tears.
I told Him that I have always enjoyed your nagging
And nagging has made our family life charming.
This He doesn’t understand. For He’s a bachelor!
And tells me angrily that I’m a big fat liar!
Dear, if I persist and rouse His wrath,
To hell He might send me. That will be bad for us both!
So let’s resolve to wait till your five and a half years end.
Then you may attain heaven and our life we will happily spend
Till then darling daily write a long nagging letter
And mail to joy@heaven.com. More doses I’ll have later!
*
Indeed this kind of joy in nagging Socrates alone could understand!